Misunderstood

Do you ever feel misunderstood? I feel misunderstood at work. I had my semi-annual review today and it was frustrating, to say the least. It wasn't overly negative or anything. I have been dealing with "perceptions" in my office. Let me try to explain. The woman I report to does not work with me closely on any projects on a day to day basis. Our "team", to use the word lightly, at work is pretty negative and gossipy. Apparently several of them have been complaining to my boss about things I have done or not done. Of course, no one talks about all the positive things you have done or any contributions you are making. They go in to whine and complain about the negative things. So even if they are few and far between, the "perception" becomes that you are doing something wrong.

So today, for 2 hours, I had to listen to a fairly negative review of the things I was doing wrong. There were very few mentions of anything that I am doing right. Of course, I asked for specific examples, and they either can't be provided or they are vague and absolutely incorrect. It is obvious to see that the information was delivered in a gossipy complaining manner and that facts were either excluded or grossly exaggerated. It was interesting that I was told I don't communicate. I did ask if the expectation was that the communication would be reciprocated as not one of the people whom I "offended" had approached me and discussed anything with me.

After the 2 hour negative-fest, my boss said she hoped I wasn't discouraged. I said I didn't feel discouraged, I felt misunderstood. There are many situations that are "Catch 22"....you fail if you do and you fail if you don't. I have worked here for a year and a half, and I just don't feel like I am getting anywhere. As long as my boss is willing to listen to others negative opinions and complaints with no expectation for those who are doing the complaining to speak to me directly at the time it happens, I don't know how I can correct it.

I spent some time talking to the Lord about it. What I did come to realize is that I have to own up to every part of those negative comments that belong to me. There was some truth in a lot of them. I have been discouraged at my job. It has become something I endure until 5:00 pm every day, and I am sure that is evident in the work I produce. Pastor Carnes challenged us tonight to not allow our children to be quitters and to not set the bad example of being a quitter. Yes, I am misunderstood. My intentions are misunderstood. My motives are misunderstood. I can feel sorry for myself or I can own the truth in it that belongs to me and move forward, seeking to please Christ, and not man, even in my job as an auditor. I will strive to respect my authority at work and submit to what they want from me. I will play the "game" within the confines of Christianity. I can set a good example to those that are gossiping and back-stabbing, not only by not participating, but by not condoning it through silence.

I want to be a testimony to those I work with. Perceptions, as irritating as they are, do matter.