Into the Throne Room of God...

The most incredible, amazing thing happened to me tonight. I entered into the Throne Room of God. I don't quite recall anything like it ever happening to me before in my Christian walk.

God has been speaking to me so much about prayer lately. I have been challenged by it in my Sunday School class, in the preaching I am hearing at Church, in my devotions and even by my daughter who came home from camp and shared about a wonderful sermon she heard on prayer. The preacher had really challenged the campers to think about what they are doing and where they are going when they pray. He really challenged them to prepare their hearts and minds to stand before God in his Throne Room, for that is what we do when we go to him in prayer.

Tonight I was studying my lesson for my Sunday School class. We are starting a study in the book of Revelations. The material is very deep and there are many scripture references. I had spent several hours in God's word today, going back and forth between references. I was looking at verse 6 of Revelations 1. The previous verses had spoken very strongly about who Christ was and what he had come to do. Our role as priests on this Earth now...our role as Kings in the kingdom to come. At the very end of the commentary dealing with this verse, there was a brief comment about the benediction that John offered, one that he was taught in Matthew 6:13.

I knew that this was the Lord's prayer. I maybe even hesitated a little to look up the reference. After all, I know that by heart. Growing up as a Lutheran, I repeated that prayer, in a rote fashion, over and over and over again. To be honest, I haven't thought about it that much over the years since becoming a Christian. I came to understand that it was a template for prayer, not a thing to be memorized and thoughtlessly recited every Sunday or in a scary situation.

I decided to go ahead and go the reference. I started reading the familiar passage when all of a sudden, the truth of what I was reading washed over me like a flood. It was as if for the first time, I was truly praying that prayer to God and fully appreciating everything it says about who He is, about His power, His preeminence. I realized I was there, I was in his precense. I had to cover my eyes as I was so overwhelmed to the point of fear. I was too overcome to even say anything for a few minutes. I don't know how long I sat there. I was weeping, but then, it occurred to me to lift up some prayers to God while I was there. To ask Christ to intercede on my behalf and on the behalf of those I was praying for. Then, I sat in silence and just basked in it for some time. I am still feeling the effects of it. I can't even begin to explain what I am feeling.

Now this probably sounds pretty sensational, but most of you who know me know that I don't buy into the "emotionalism" that is such a part of many denominations these days. I am not glorifying myself or the emotional experience. I am glorifying God Almighty and thanking Him for the privilege of living what he has taught us and experiencing his very tangible presense.

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For THINE is the kingdom,
And the power,
And the glory,
Forever and ever.
Amen and Amen

Misunderstood

Do you ever feel misunderstood? I feel misunderstood at work. I had my semi-annual review today and it was frustrating, to say the least. It wasn't overly negative or anything. I have been dealing with "perceptions" in my office. Let me try to explain. The woman I report to does not work with me closely on any projects on a day to day basis. Our "team", to use the word lightly, at work is pretty negative and gossipy. Apparently several of them have been complaining to my boss about things I have done or not done. Of course, no one talks about all the positive things you have done or any contributions you are making. They go in to whine and complain about the negative things. So even if they are few and far between, the "perception" becomes that you are doing something wrong.

So today, for 2 hours, I had to listen to a fairly negative review of the things I was doing wrong. There were very few mentions of anything that I am doing right. Of course, I asked for specific examples, and they either can't be provided or they are vague and absolutely incorrect. It is obvious to see that the information was delivered in a gossipy complaining manner and that facts were either excluded or grossly exaggerated. It was interesting that I was told I don't communicate. I did ask if the expectation was that the communication would be reciprocated as not one of the people whom I "offended" had approached me and discussed anything with me.

After the 2 hour negative-fest, my boss said she hoped I wasn't discouraged. I said I didn't feel discouraged, I felt misunderstood. There are many situations that are "Catch 22"....you fail if you do and you fail if you don't. I have worked here for a year and a half, and I just don't feel like I am getting anywhere. As long as my boss is willing to listen to others negative opinions and complaints with no expectation for those who are doing the complaining to speak to me directly at the time it happens, I don't know how I can correct it.

I spent some time talking to the Lord about it. What I did come to realize is that I have to own up to every part of those negative comments that belong to me. There was some truth in a lot of them. I have been discouraged at my job. It has become something I endure until 5:00 pm every day, and I am sure that is evident in the work I produce. Pastor Carnes challenged us tonight to not allow our children to be quitters and to not set the bad example of being a quitter. Yes, I am misunderstood. My intentions are misunderstood. My motives are misunderstood. I can feel sorry for myself or I can own the truth in it that belongs to me and move forward, seeking to please Christ, and not man, even in my job as an auditor. I will strive to respect my authority at work and submit to what they want from me. I will play the "game" within the confines of Christianity. I can set a good example to those that are gossiping and back-stabbing, not only by not participating, but by not condoning it through silence.

I want to be a testimony to those I work with. Perceptions, as irritating as they are, do matter.

A Senior Moment...

OK...I was sitting around earlier thinking, "I wish I had something interesting to blog". I do want to set a good example by attempting to blog at somewhat regular and timely intervals! Something just happened. I had a senior moment and although I will be humiliating myself, I will blog it anyway (everyone is starting to figure me out anyway)!

I just went to the kitchen to fix a cup 'o tea. Danielle boiled the water for me and I got a cup out of the cupboard. Then I walked to the freezer, opened the door and proceeded to fill my tea cup with ice cubes. What the...?? Oh yeah...I'm losing it.

At least I was able to provide some cheap family entertainment.

By the way, thanks for the prayers...I am feeling MUCH better.

The Rescue Mission...

Tonight, Danielle and I had the blessing of singing at the Rescue Mission. I have to admit that I haven't been feeling too good lately. Nothing too serious...just very tired, a little achy. It's just been going on for a while and it is wearing on me. It must be visible, because I have just noticed lately that people keep asking me if everything is OK, if I feel OK...etc. Even tonight, when we arrived at the Mission, someone asked me if everything is OK. I just say, yes, fine.

As we were waiting for the service to start, I asked Danielle if how I was feeling was really showing on me, and she said definitely. I was talking to the Lord about it, asking him to give me strength and to allow my countenance to show Him to these men. I didn't want to stand before them looking all droopy.

Pastor Powell started the service with the congregational hymn...Victory in Jesus. By the end of the first verse, I felt like sobbing! Talk about a lifting of my spirit and an unexpected answer to prayer! Those men, many of them homeless, jobless, addicts, were singing...very joyfully...at the TOP of their lungs. Between the verse and the chorus they would shout...VICTORY!

What a rebuke! I couldn't believe I was allowing the small discomfort I have been experiencing to effect me to the point that my countenance was affected so visibly, that I was probably even feeling a little sorry for myself..and these men, under such trial, could show the love of Christ in their lives through their singing.

There was a wonderful testimony by a man in our church and Pastor Powell brought a wonderful message. Seven men prayed the sinners prayer and many other decisions were made. As we live about 3 blocks from there, I'm not sure why we are not there more often. This was only our second time to go, but I think I am going to make it a more regular affair! Nathan Farnsworth is preaching next month!

Thank you, Lord. For giving me some perspective.

No Sad Goodbyes.....

That is a line from the song that Anthony Morrison sang in church this morning..the song was Beulah land. It is so sweet to think about going home to be with our Lord. To live in a place of no sorrow or toil. That line struck me this morning, because just yesterday Danielle and I had to say a sad goodbye.

Our dear friends, the Flemings were here from Kansas City. Their nephew (his family was also from our old church in Kansas City) was married outside of Atlanta on Saturday. They traveled here and spent a few nights and then we went to the wedding with them on Saturday. I can't say enough good things about this family. We have been their close friends for 10 years, since Danielle was about 5. They have loved us and made us part of their family. Sometimes it's hard to be a "5th wheel" in a sea of married people, but they never made me feel as though that mattered to them for one second.


We shared holidays, birthdays, joy and sorrow. No siblings could be closer. They cared for, scolded, encouraged and loved my children, especially Danielle, as one of their own and I feel the same way about their children. There is no pretense with them or them with me. We can truly be ourselves and feel loved and accepted. Just like a true family. They accept me...warts and all.

Their absence is the one remaining regret concerning our move to Georgia. I saw them, after a year and a half, in Kansas City in May so it was a blessing to see them again so soon. But the goodbyes are hard...we all weep (the women anyway!) But as I told Lauren, it is a blessing to have someone to miss so much. We still stay in close contact...and we will continue to see each other off and on through the years...but some sweet day, there will be no sad goodbyes and we will be together for all eternity, at home with our Lord. That's a sweet thought.

Tearing Down Idols....

Can you idolize a dish? Tonight I had a horrifically difficult lesson to learn about not placing too much store in earthly things. Speaking purely hypothetically of course, someone you know may be having dental surgery and you may fix a meal for her family and you may put it in your most prized and precious serving dish only to have it returned with an unsitely chip in it. You just never know how people will treat your most important treasures. They could even allow teenage boys to wash them, carelessly throwing it around in the sink. Caring not that you paid at least $5 for a 20 piece set at a garage sale and that you bought it from a friends garage sale in your beloved home town of Independence, Missouri and how that dish brought you warm and pleasant memories of happy spring morning garage saling with your best friend...*sigh*...it is a difficult lesson, to be sure. But I'll try to deal with it. Now I know not to place store in earthly things.

Why Do We Transgress...

I have a calendar at work that has a different verse on it daily. Today's verse was from 2 Chronicles 24:20. It said..."...Thus saith God, Why transgress ye the commandments of the LORD, that ye cannot prosper?..." I was meditating on this verse and it got me to thinking....

Rules, rules, rules. Even as adults...there are so many "rules" (young people....I know you have heard it before...but don't think that "growing up" gets rid of rules. It actually increases in number AND in the severity of consequences in breaking them...arrive to work on time...drive the speed limit...pay your taxes, etc.)

The Bible says "To him who knows to do right and doeth it not, to him it is sin". If you knowingly break a "rule", you are sinning. Even if there aren't "written" or "formal" rules, if we know we should do "right" and we don't...we have sinned. (This verse always comes to mind when I pass a piece of trash carelessly thrown to the side 2 feet away from the trash can. I don't WANT to pick it up...but I usually do...because it is the right thing to do). A focus on the "rules" can be frustrating.

But...what if instead of thinking of the "rules" as a necessary evil, we focus on the product of obedience to those rules. God's blessings. Each of us were created/born with our own vices, and some things come easier to some than others, but if we choose to remember that God's "rules" are not meant to be grievous to us...but serve as a means for God to prosper us...maybe our outlook will improve. I like that thought better.